Now I don’t claim to be the perfect parent, I have made my mistakes raising my daughter, just like everyone else. That aside I am going to make a judgement call today, so I want to prepare you that what I am about to may offend some of you. If it offends you, and you think YOU are directly effected by it, then I am probably talking about you!
As I raised my daughter, I of course came into contact with other parents and their children. I was a single Mom until she was 12, and I met my husband. Somehow that gave all other parents license to “school” me on what I was doing wrong as a parent. Everywhere I went, this person or that had an opinion on how I should be raising my child. Well now my child is all grown up, she’ll be 21 this September, and she is an amazing woman.
The parents with the advice? Their children have gone in a completely different direction from my daughter. Most of their children are about the same age as my daughter give or take five years. Two have done jail time for drug related offences, two have had more than one child and a third is working on three children. All are unemployed, and bouncing from job to job. Hmmm, but I was the parent who back in the day needed advice on how to raise my child? The high school graduate? The college graduate? The woman who holds down a job in the big city, and has to be coaxed to take help when she occasionally needs it? Yep, I sure needed help raising her didn’t I?
Okay, so listen up! What’s with the parents of teenagers these days? I am not her to give parenting advice to anyone, but maybe my being blatant honesty about how I feel will make you think. Your kids are out of control people! And the reason is YOU!
So yesterday, I’m sitting at a friends place. He lives in a ground level apartment, and there is a door that leads outside to a little patio. We were just sitting there chatting about some projects we are working on together when there was a commotion outside. He had just headed into the kitchen to make another pot of coffee when there was a hurried knock on the door. I got up and answered it and in flew one of his neighbors. Something followed her which i assume had been thrown from behind her. I looked up to see who had thrown it and saw her sixteen year old daughter bearing down on me in pursuit of her Mother.
Obviously there was a domestic altercation taking place here! I stepped in front of Mom and barred the doorway. The teen tried to bull through me. Everything in me wanted to pick this little brat up and pitch her on her ass on the lawn behind her, but somehow miraculously I stayed calm. (I know ME stay CALM? you are probably rolling on the floor laughing as you read.) “You are not coming in” I said to her. She got up close and shoved me (assault) “YOU can’t tell me what to do!” she screamed in my face. “Get the “F” outta my way you bitch!” She shoved me again, (another assault) this time I shoved back. “You can’t touch me!” she screamed. “Let me in! This isn’t your house! YOU can’t keep me out!”
By this time her Mother was sitting shaking on a couch chair behind me, and my friend was quietly standing back waiting to see if I could contain the situation. Turns out I couldn’t she assaulted me again and slipped past me going straight for her Mother calling her very nasty names and swearing like a sailor! My friend stepped forward and intervened, physically removing her from his apartment and closing the door. He then went back to the kitchen and went about his coffee making thinking that he had taken care of things
She very quickly realized letting her in was the last thing we were about to do. She took off and I sat down to talk with Mom. About Five minutes went by before she came back pounding on the window and holding up the gas cap she had just ripped off her Mother’s car, and taunting her with it through the window. Then she ran off again
I saw her coming through the window and got up and locked the door just before she tried to open it. She began to bang on the glass window in the door. For a while we ignored her figuring she would get the point and go for a walk or something. Nope, no such luck. She began to pound harder on the window screaming “let me in or I’ll call the “F”ing police.” Yeah I know laughable right? Like calling the police because someone won’t let her into their home is going to do her any good. Thing is, she DID call the police. She told them that her Mother wouldn’t let her into her own house.
What she didn’t tell the police was that this entire incident began BECAUSE her Mother wouldn’t let her into the house because she had threatened to DESTROY everything! Then she assaulted her Mother, and when her Mother ran for shelter at a neighbor’s she assaulted the friend of that neighbor who was trying to protect her Mother. What she didn’t tell the police is she is on medication to control her mood swings but she refuses to take it. What she didn’t tell the police is she abuses street drugs, and this erratic behavior is not new.
Amazingly enough the police actually responded to this call, and the situation had to be explained to them. I left before I knew what had been decided would be done with this girl, but the whole incident left me with a feeling that we as a society are failing our children.
I mean, WE, as parents, are supposed to raise our children to be responsible, moral, socially conscious people. It is our one and only job as parents. We are responsible for their creation, and therefore ultimately responsible for the way they turn out as adults. I have said this before, and some idiot always says “we are not responsible for our ADULT children!” To them I say WAKE UP! Of course you are! Children learn what they live, learn what their parents teach them, so be a better parent!
But being a better parent doesn’t mean what most parents these days seem to think it does. Being a better parent doesn’t mean giving your children everything they desire and demand, that only teaches them entitlement. Being a good parent doesn’t mean sheltering them from everything bad, and micromanaging their every minute, that just creates a socially unaware person incapable of thinking for themselves.
Parenting your child means saying NO when the answer should be NO. Making them earn what they desire so they understand the value of a dollar and that nothing worth having comes without working for it. Parenting your child means paying attention to them, and teaching them life’s lessons. Parenting a child means actually being INVOLVED in their life on a daily basis!
I don’t know how those back in the day parents thought my daughter would turn out, but it comes to pass that maybe I wasn’t so far off the mark in my parenting. Of course having raised a responsible adult, I think I am entitled to an opinion!
And that’s my rant for the day! Hopefully I will have some tickles for y’all soon!
Rants & Tickles